Is anger the tip of the iceberg?
Are you driven by emotion? Do you sometimes regret something you said or did because you were feeling too emotional in the situation?
We all have emotions and it’s perfectly normal, it means that we’re human! Emotions play a big part in our lives, they help us notice things about ourselves that maybe we’d been ignoring and emotions assist us to pay better attention to ourselves and others. The issue here is when our emotions enable us to make the wrong choices or do something we regret.
For example, let’s say you’ve received a message from a colleague/friend who appears very angry and what they’ve said has made you feel angry and feels like a personal attack. Quite often, in this situation many will reply almost instantly to either defend themselves or attack the other person. This is where I’d like to be very clear with you, NEVER reply to anyone when you are feeling emotionally charged. You see, when you’re feeling really angry or hurt or upset, chances are you’re so emotionally charged that you can’t think clearly.
In order to rebalance this, it’s essential to practice a breathing technique, I like to use what I call the “1, 2, 3, 4 Yoga Breath”. This technique is one that I teach in my classes to help calm and refocus. Close your eyes, and take a nice slow deep breath in through your nose for the count of 4, hold for 1 count and then breath out slowly through your mouth for 4 counts. Try this a few times to take your attention of the situation and focus your attention where you’d like it to be. Perhaps you might like to take a walk or busy yourself with another activity as well until you feel more centered, calm and ready to think about the situation with an open mind.
By allowing ourselves to stay open, positive and loving we can sometimes see a situation with more clarity and notice things that our intuition may be trying to tell us. For example, you re-read the message when you’re calm and a thought may pop in to your head about your colleague/friend, perhaps they’re scared about something, or feeling insecure or whatever it might be? When we can be open to the possibilities we can act with loving kindness, rather than out of hurt and anger. And I’m sure that if you reply with, “are you ok? Would you like to talk about what’s upsetting you?", you might be surprised that what you thought was a personal attack is actually a cry for help and attention. Anger is always the tip of the iceberg, whenever you feel or see anger in someone else think to yourself, what’s behind the anger, is it hurt, fear, frustration, then you can truly address what’s going on!
attention. Anger is always the tip of the iceberg, whenever you feel or see anger in someone else think to yourself, what’s behind the anger, is it hurt, fear, frustration, then you can truly address what’s going on!